we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
