at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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