I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
