we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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