i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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