Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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