conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
