I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
