y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
