Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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