gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize