Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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