she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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