if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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