Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
