I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
