I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
