I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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