we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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