I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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