woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
