this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
