Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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