lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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