No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
