The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
