I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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