apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
