Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i think i just lost a toe
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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