ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
