Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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