I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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