That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize