I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
