We're facebook friends in real life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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