he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
