And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
