i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
