fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
