i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
