god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
