I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
