so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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