Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No subtext here. People are naked.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
