do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
