Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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