Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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