if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
