i permit you to call me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
