Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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