I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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