Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have tasted many bathrooms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
