How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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