well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
