i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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