1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
