sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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