I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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