hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
