Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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