my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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