It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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