Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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