apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
