There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
