Kareoke will never be a sober sport
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
