theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
