The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
