apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
