Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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