She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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