someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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