i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
