dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
