It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
