maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I need to calm my uterus...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
