Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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