I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
