What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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