I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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