All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
