im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
