If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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