Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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