So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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