Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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